Still here....

...and still grumpy. Just haven't had a lot to write lately.

I think I was taken for a fool. A stupid trusting fool at that. I think several people were right - C got what she wanted, (and broke Lisa and I up in the bargin), and now has no further need or desire to have me around. (sigh) I hate to make an exit strategy, but I may have to, out of self-defense if nothing else.

The ironic thing here being that C is hurting me just as badly as the other person did. (shakes head in annoyance). And the other person feels helpless, because she can't do anything to get me though this mess. Lisa would more than likely not want anything to do with me.

And nobody in their right mind would want to get involved with someone who's having to pay child support and deal with that mess. I know both Lisa and the other person seem to think that my having that child makes me more desirable - but I don't see that myself. I love that little girl dearly, but I can't see how someone who might be interested in me could see her as anything other than a strike against me. (Sigh) Get used to being alone I guess.

Actually, the other person was quite strident about the fact that my supposed desirability has gone up, and pointed out she still had people after her with a child of her own. However, that's someone attractive and desirable.......qualities I feel I lack badly.

Sigh. This whole thing has brought up a whole Jurassic Park of lizards in my brain, and is nuking what little self-confidence I have anymore.

The apartment hunt goes on, though I may have to wait until may, when some of the college crowd goes home and apartments open up. Balancing between getting a small apartment close to work, and a larger one farther away. And making sure I'm not in a long-term lease in case I'm offered a job in Los Angeles.

(Sniffle) I hate having colds.

Still here....

...and still grumpy. Just haven't had a lot to write lately.

I think I was taken for a fool. A stupid trusting fool at that. I think several people were right - C got what she wanted, (and broke Lisa and I up in the bargin), and now has no further need or desire to have me around. (sigh) I hate to make an exit strategy, but I may have to, out of self-defense if nothing else.

The ironic thing here being that C is hurting me just as badly as the other person did. (shakes head in annoyance). And the other person feels helpless, because she can't do anything to get me though this mess. Lisa would more than likely not want anything to do with me.

And nobody in their right mind would want to get involved with someone who's having to pay child support and deal with that mess. I know both Lisa and the other person seem to think that my having that child makes me more desirable - but I don't see that myself. I love that little girl dearly, but I can't see how someone who might be interested in me could see her as anything other than a strike against me. (Sigh) Get used to being alone I guess.

Actually, the other person was quite strident about the fact that my supposed desirability has gone up, and pointed out she still had people after her with a child of her own. However, that's someone attractive and desirable.......qualities I feel I lack badly.

Sigh. This whole thing has brought up a whole Jurassic Park of lizards in my brain, and is nuking what little self-confidence I have anymore.

The apartment hunt goes on, though I may have to wait until may, when some of the college crowd goes home and apartments open up. Balancing between getting a small apartment close to work, and a larger one farther away. And making sure I'm not in a long-term lease in case I'm offered a job in Los Angeles.

(Sniffle) I hate having colds.