Growl

[patgund]

Okay, the depression has taken full hold on me now, and I'm back on the anti-depressants. Not that they do much except wrap my emotions in cotton wool. Not that that is a bad thing.....

If they stop the crying jags and bouts of lonelyness.

Well, enough time, patience, and application of 2x4's across the heads of my family seems to have finally gotten them to realize that hey, I'm not gay after all. Which means I'm now seeing the major homophobia infesting my family which they were too polite to show when they thought I was gay. (Shakes head.) Every single one of my brothers got harrassed in school by people who thought they were gay. *I* got harrassed by people who thought I was, (yet another reason I wish Santana High School would burn to the ground.) I've always been secure enough in my sexuality that those taunts never bothered me. My brothers, on the other hand, seem to have decided to blame gays and lesbians for their abuse. A blame the victim mentality?

Then again, I've never seen the point to harassing people because they choose to love people of their own gender. A button I have sums it up - "Straight, but not Narrow".

Talked briefly with the other person Monday. She's still recovering from the creeping crud. (sigh)

Comments

Commentary

[patgund.livejournal.com]

After giving it much though, I have deleted the response to this post, along with my comments to that response. I see no reason to comment about it any further, or air my family's "dirty laundry" in public. Isn't my cup of tea

[selfesteemjane.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean. :)

dirty laundry

[(Anonymous)]

Don't write about me,you don't know me,you never will,I've had gay (dykes & faeries) friends & I've never complained about any abuse(real or imagined)it was all part of growing up,your comments are hurtfull,And another thing,I have done a lot with my life,thank you.I'm proud of the man I have become,I don't dwell on the past,I live today..Now go sob into your Cap'n Crunch or whatever.By the way, move on with your life,OK? don't write about my Brothers either,they have all done alot with thier lives too!The things you say are very mean spirited,I think you need to stop,Peace,Yer Bro.

Re: dirty laundry

[patgund.livejournal.com]

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<Blinks, puzzled> I wasn't writing about you in particular, but things in general. what gives you the idea I was writing about you?

And I didn't say anything about people doing anything with their lives? Very puzz.ed. I just took a look at what I wrote again, and didn't see anything about that. ?????

You did say when we were discussing the rumour about me being gay that you got harassed at school like that as well. Did I misunderstand?

Besides, I can't stand Cap'n Crunch - rips up the roof of one's mouth.

And they're my brothers as well, which I love as much as you - and as much as I love you too. However, I strongly believe that any of you have ever gotten the time to know me - and I know I don't know any of you as well as I would like.

I think the thing that bothers me greatly is when I found out how wide spread the rumour about me being gay was. I believe you when you said you didn't think that or spread it . However, it's so wide spread and from so many branches that I'm forced to think it was one of my brothers who thought that, and made a comment in passing that one of his kids overheard. So things spread. But I didn't say it was you, and believed you when we talked about the subject.

Ironically, you're the one of my brothers I feel the closest too and feel the most like. The fact that we seem to have misunderstood things this badly tends to reinforce my viewpoint that we (meaning you, me, and our other two siblings), don't understand or know each other as well as we might - or should.

Take care - your brother