Bad Movie Review - Dagon
Jun. 27th, 2004 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundWell, last night I got a chance to watch "Dagon", which is somewhat losely based on H.P. Lovecraft's "The Horror of Insmouth"
The movie starts with the main character, Paul Marsh, swiming up to this giant eye-shaped hole in the ocean floor. While examining the structure, he comes across a raven-haired, rather cute looking, pretty much topless mermaid, who takes his dive mask off - and then lunges at him with a mouthful of shark-like teeth. He then wakes up.
Turns out Paul, his ladyfriend Barbara, and two older, rich friends (Howard and Vicki), are on a boat off the Spanish coast. Barbara attempts to calm him down by getting playful, he starts to fret over business, she gets pissed off and tosses his laptop into the ocean.
Soon after this temper-tantrum, the skies grew dark, the seas grew rough, and the boat sails on and on and on. Oops, sorry, was channeling "H.R. Puffnstuf" there. Anyway, they try to sail out the area, but get pitched onto the rocks, pinning Vicki's leg down in a slowly sinking boat. Paul and Barbara offer to take the dinghy and sail for the nearby town, while Howard stays with Vicki.
Arriving in the strangly deserted town, Paul and Barbara attempt to find someone to get help, finally looking in the village church, marked "Esoterica Order De Dagon". Going in, they find the village priest, Sacerdote, and get his help. Paul sets sail with some local fishermen back to the boat, while Barbara goes off to find a phone. Paul gets to the boat and finds Howard and Vicki gone, and, getting back into the town, (called "Imboca", or "In Mouth"), find Barbara also among the missing.
Paul settles into a room in the town's hotel, which is not exactly a five-star resort, (This is Sacerdote for Motel 666, and we'll leave a pit burning for you.) Dozing off briefly, he dreams about the mermaid woman, dressed as Barbara, until she erupts a mass of tentacles out of her mouth and he wakes up.
The mishappen, gibbering natives are restless, and hunting for Paul. He manages to jump out a hotel window and crashes into a greenhouse/slaughterhouse, with various pig skins hanging up to dry. Turns out long pig as well, as he sees Howard's skin hung up to dry. (CoC note: Roll for SAN loss) After setting the place on fire and escaping, he runs into Ezequiel, the last real human living in Imboca, and surviving by being the town drunk.
Ezequiel tells Paul that when he was a boy, the fish harvest had dried up. A mysterious man, Xavier, came to the village, telling them that the fish would return if the village converts to the worship of Dagon. After thowing something that looks like a cross between an Illuminati Eye-in-Pyramid and an AOL logo into the water, the fish return, and the villagers, rise up, kill the priest and assorted other villagers, and become born-again Dagon worshippers. Ezequiel sees his dad killed in the process, and pretty much becomes the town drunk from that point on. The villagers breeding with Dagon and his minons are why the residents of Imboca now look like a satanic Long John Silver's.
Ezequiel tells Paul that he saw the other villagers kill two women, and Paul, crushed about the loss of Barbara, gets Ezequiel's help in trying to steal a car. Paul's a better coder than a car thief though, and only manages to honk the horn. Hiding in a local house, he discovers a room that seems to be the bedroom of the woman in his dreams, who's named Uxía. Uxía's father, who happens to be Xavier, comes in looking for for him, and Uxía tells daddy that she doesn't have a man hiding in her room. He actually buys this, and leaves Uxía and Paul start to look into each others eyes, (turns out they've dreamed about each other). Since Paul seems to have gotten over Barbara's loss, Uxía and Paul start a major tonsil-hockey, clothes shredding, make out session. However, while Paul doesn't seem to have an objection to her kissing skills or her small, yet perky breasts, he gets rather flipped out by the gill slits and the octopus tentacles she has in the place of legs, and runs away. (CoC Note: Automatic SAN loss, -2)
After leaving Uxía's octopus' garden. Paul manages to steal the car after fighting with the chaffeur. However, his driving skills are also subpar, and he spins off the road. Taking refuge in another house, he's waylayed by another fishperson, who attempts to give him a swirlie in a salamander-infested toilet. Using the lid cover to his advantage, he bashes the guy over the head and escapes, only to be captured by a net.
Paul wakes up in a cage with Barbara, Vicki, and Ezequiel. Vicki is sans a leg and appearently had been taken by Dagon earlier, and is now expectant with his spawn. In Call of Cthulhu terms, she's very close to a SAN = 0 score. They attempt to escape, but are all recaptured. Vicki gets a knife and kills herself before they can take her off, Barbara makes Paul promise that he'll kill her before Dagon can get her with squid as well.
Paul and Ezequiel are taken off to the skinning room, where Ezequiel's aged head is skinned alive in front of Paul. (I'm not a horror fan, and I'll admit this was quite icky). However, before Paul's head can be turned into a Tandy leatherwork project, Uxía comes up to him. Uxía pleads with him to come join her in the service of Dagon. Paul turns her down, and she leaves him alone for Sacerdote to skin and tan. However, Paul manages to overpower Sacerdote, kills him and his assistants. By now Paul is showing some major signs of SAN loss, and goes off with some kerosine to burn down the town.
Meanwhile, in the catacombs below the town. Uxía is doing some decorative carving on Barbara before hanging her in a pit for Dagon. As the Imbocans chant that hit favourite, "Ia, Ia, Cthulhu f’taghn!", Barbara is lowered into the pit to become Dagon's latest paramour. Paul bursts in to try and save Barbara, but she's accidently knocked into the water. By the time Paul winches her back up, she's covered in squid ink and begging for death. Dagon's courting style seems to lack something, but seems that Dagon isn't done with Barbara's charms, and drags her back into the water sans arms.
Meanwhile, Paul gets the snot beaten out of him by the villagers, but they are stopped when Uxía once agains saves his bacon by lifting up his shirt and showing them that Paul has - surprise surprise - gill slits. Seems that Xavier had managed to get Paul's mother in the family way as well, and him and Uxía are half-siblings. Uxía pleads with her half-brother to become her lover and join the family business in serving Dagon. However, by this time Paul is almost at SAN = 0 himself and doesn't take Uxía's offer well. Matter of fact, he sets himself on fire.
Seeing her half-brother / intended lover ablaze, Uxía lunges out of her wheelchair and her clothes, and drags Paul into the Dagon pit with her. Once in the water, Paul decides that indeed, it is better under the sea, and that maybe an eternity of fishy sex with his half-sister isn't such a bad thing after all. Together, Paul and Uxía swim into the eye-shaped hole, to spend eternity dwelling in Dagon's abyss. No, I don't know where their wedding registry is at.
The movie starts with the main character, Paul Marsh, swiming up to this giant eye-shaped hole in the ocean floor. While examining the structure, he comes across a raven-haired, rather cute looking, pretty much topless mermaid, who takes his dive mask off - and then lunges at him with a mouthful of shark-like teeth. He then wakes up.
Turns out Paul, his ladyfriend Barbara, and two older, rich friends (Howard and Vicki), are on a boat off the Spanish coast. Barbara attempts to calm him down by getting playful, he starts to fret over business, she gets pissed off and tosses his laptop into the ocean.
Soon after this temper-tantrum, the skies grew dark, the seas grew rough, and the boat sails on and on and on. Oops, sorry, was channeling "H.R. Puffnstuf" there. Anyway, they try to sail out the area, but get pitched onto the rocks, pinning Vicki's leg down in a slowly sinking boat. Paul and Barbara offer to take the dinghy and sail for the nearby town, while Howard stays with Vicki.
Arriving in the strangly deserted town, Paul and Barbara attempt to find someone to get help, finally looking in the village church, marked "Esoterica Order De Dagon". Going in, they find the village priest, Sacerdote, and get his help. Paul sets sail with some local fishermen back to the boat, while Barbara goes off to find a phone. Paul gets to the boat and finds Howard and Vicki gone, and, getting back into the town, (called "Imboca", or "In Mouth"), find Barbara also among the missing.
Paul settles into a room in the town's hotel, which is not exactly a five-star resort, (This is Sacerdote for Motel 666, and we'll leave a pit burning for you.) Dozing off briefly, he dreams about the mermaid woman, dressed as Barbara, until she erupts a mass of tentacles out of her mouth and he wakes up.
The mishappen, gibbering natives are restless, and hunting for Paul. He manages to jump out a hotel window and crashes into a greenhouse/slaughterhouse, with various pig skins hanging up to dry. Turns out long pig as well, as he sees Howard's skin hung up to dry. (CoC note: Roll for SAN loss) After setting the place on fire and escaping, he runs into Ezequiel, the last real human living in Imboca, and surviving by being the town drunk.
Ezequiel tells Paul that when he was a boy, the fish harvest had dried up. A mysterious man, Xavier, came to the village, telling them that the fish would return if the village converts to the worship of Dagon. After thowing something that looks like a cross between an Illuminati Eye-in-Pyramid and an AOL logo into the water, the fish return, and the villagers, rise up, kill the priest and assorted other villagers, and become born-again Dagon worshippers. Ezequiel sees his dad killed in the process, and pretty much becomes the town drunk from that point on. The villagers breeding with Dagon and his minons are why the residents of Imboca now look like a satanic Long John Silver's.
Ezequiel tells Paul that he saw the other villagers kill two women, and Paul, crushed about the loss of Barbara, gets Ezequiel's help in trying to steal a car. Paul's a better coder than a car thief though, and only manages to honk the horn. Hiding in a local house, he discovers a room that seems to be the bedroom of the woman in his dreams, who's named Uxía. Uxía's father, who happens to be Xavier, comes in looking for for him, and Uxía tells daddy that she doesn't have a man hiding in her room. He actually buys this, and leaves Uxía and Paul start to look into each others eyes, (turns out they've dreamed about each other). Since Paul seems to have gotten over Barbara's loss, Uxía and Paul start a major tonsil-hockey, clothes shredding, make out session. However, while Paul doesn't seem to have an objection to her kissing skills or her small, yet perky breasts, he gets rather flipped out by the gill slits and the octopus tentacles she has in the place of legs, and runs away. (CoC Note: Automatic SAN loss, -2)
After leaving Uxía's octopus' garden. Paul manages to steal the car after fighting with the chaffeur. However, his driving skills are also subpar, and he spins off the road. Taking refuge in another house, he's waylayed by another fishperson, who attempts to give him a swirlie in a salamander-infested toilet. Using the lid cover to his advantage, he bashes the guy over the head and escapes, only to be captured by a net.
Paul wakes up in a cage with Barbara, Vicki, and Ezequiel. Vicki is sans a leg and appearently had been taken by Dagon earlier, and is now expectant with his spawn. In Call of Cthulhu terms, she's very close to a SAN = 0 score. They attempt to escape, but are all recaptured. Vicki gets a knife and kills herself before they can take her off, Barbara makes Paul promise that he'll kill her before Dagon can get her with squid as well.
Paul and Ezequiel are taken off to the skinning room, where Ezequiel's aged head is skinned alive in front of Paul. (I'm not a horror fan, and I'll admit this was quite icky). However, before Paul's head can be turned into a Tandy leatherwork project, Uxía comes up to him. Uxía pleads with him to come join her in the service of Dagon. Paul turns her down, and she leaves him alone for Sacerdote to skin and tan. However, Paul manages to overpower Sacerdote, kills him and his assistants. By now Paul is showing some major signs of SAN loss, and goes off with some kerosine to burn down the town.
Meanwhile, in the catacombs below the town. Uxía is doing some decorative carving on Barbara before hanging her in a pit for Dagon. As the Imbocans chant that hit favourite, "Ia, Ia, Cthulhu f’taghn!", Barbara is lowered into the pit to become Dagon's latest paramour. Paul bursts in to try and save Barbara, but she's accidently knocked into the water. By the time Paul winches her back up, she's covered in squid ink and begging for death. Dagon's courting style seems to lack something, but seems that Dagon isn't done with Barbara's charms, and drags her back into the water sans arms.
Meanwhile, Paul gets the snot beaten out of him by the villagers, but they are stopped when Uxía once agains saves his bacon by lifting up his shirt and showing them that Paul has - surprise surprise - gill slits. Seems that Xavier had managed to get Paul's mother in the family way as well, and him and Uxía are half-siblings. Uxía pleads with her half-brother to become her lover and join the family business in serving Dagon. However, by this time Paul is almost at SAN = 0 himself and doesn't take Uxía's offer well. Matter of fact, he sets himself on fire.
Seeing her half-brother / intended lover ablaze, Uxía lunges out of her wheelchair and her clothes, and drags Paul into the Dagon pit with her. Once in the water, Paul decides that indeed, it is better under the sea, and that maybe an eternity of fishy sex with his half-sister isn't such a bad thing after all. Together, Paul and Uxía swim into the eye-shaped hole, to spend eternity dwelling in Dagon's abyss. No, I don't know where their wedding registry is at.
