DC Thinking....
May. 31st, 2011 08:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundOkay, after reading about the planned DC Universe Reboot, which came about when DC, quote:
So I got to thinking about this newCrisis on Infinite Earths reboot, and I suspect the planning meeting went something like:
DC Writer One - (Taking a big ol' hit off the Crack Pipe Of Infinite Lameness) "Okay, look, all the focus groups have agreed what we're sucking dead penguin junk when it comes to Marvel's stuff."
DC Writer Three - "Well, duh! They've got all the cool edgy stuff plus Mickey von Maus throwing his weight. We got, what, a bunch of iconic comic book characters and Warner Brothers."
DC Writer Three - "Hand me that crack pipe" *SUUUUCCCCK* Ah, that's good. Anyway, yeah, we have all that iconic crap, but the kids today aren't buying it. They're just jonesing on the facejournal and youtwitter and the social mediates like that. We need to show them we're just as 'hip' and 'withit' and 'connected' as they are."
DC Writer One - "That's easy! We have that DC Universe game on the intertubes!! And it's backed by the power of Sony! It's going to be as durable and long-lasting as their Walkmans are!!!"
DC Writer Three - "Umm, actually did you hear what happened to Sony?? I think someone spilled Pepsi on their modem or something. Took down DC Universe for a week."
DC Writer Three - "So".
DC Writer One - "Hey, don't bogart that crack pipe" *SUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK* "AHHHH!! What's the in term this year?? The one that says we're not the same old stuff, we're new! We're edgy! We're in touch!! Rebeet?? Reset?? Something like that?"
DC Writer Two - "You mean "reboot"??"
DC Writer One - "YES!! THAT'S IT!! We reboot the whole thing! Make it edgy and new again! Nobody has ever tried that before!!"
Nameless Intern One - "Umm, well, there was that "Crisis on Infinite Earths" thing years ago..."
DC Writer One - "SHUT THE HELL UP!! Who asked you?? You're just here to fluff my pillows and get me coffee!!
Nameless Intern One - "No, seriously, we did that in 1985!"
DC Writer Two - "Yeah, SURE we did. Next thing you'll be claiming we kill characters off just to sell comics, and then find lame reasons to bring them back again?"
Nameless Intern One - "You mean like 'Doomsday' and 'Zero Hour: Crisis in Time', and 'Death of the New Gods' and....."
DC Writer One - "SHUT UP!! You're fired! Security, throw this bum out!!!"
(Sounds of a tussle, mixed with cursing when the crack pipe gets knocked over)
DC Writer One - *SUUUUCKKK* "So where were we?? What can we do to piss on.....err, I mean reboot our established characters??"
DC Writer Three - "Well, we could make Superman's rocket crash in the Georgia Swamps, and let him get raised by a kindly old redneck family! He grows up to be a good ol' boy with a liking for fast cars and country metal".
DC Writer One - "I LIKE it! We could use that in the movie tie ins. Get companies to sponsor his cape like they do with NASCAR. Make him seem more human, more one of us."
DC Writer Two - "Give me the pipe, I haven't taken a hit yet" *SUCCCCKKKKKK* "Ah, that's good shit. Anyway, how about Batman. His parents don't get killed, but his dad gets bought out in a hostile takeover and they lose their money and fancy house. And he like, grows up to take a CPA job in the company that used to be his dad's, where he embezzles money to try and bring down the businesmen that runied his father!"
DC Writer One - "Has potential, but check to see what the suits at Warner Brothers think. If we can make the businessmen look like those bastards at the Mousehouse, so much the better."
DC Writer Three - "Oooh! What about Green Lantern?? We can make Hal Jordan an embittered ex-fighter pilot who was kicked out under 'Don't Ask - Don't Tell'. We do a special adults issue that has him falling in love with Abin Sur and finding out he's been doing the nasty with an alien, who gives him his ring as a marriage proposal before getting hit by a car or something".
DC Writer One - "Hmmm, that's an idea. We have him dating Kevin Ferris on the side, and revamp the entire series to match. I like it a lot!"
DC Writer Two - "Wow, what a rush. Oh, yeah, reboot, right. I dunno how well that idea would fly with some of our less urban readers, you know?"
DC Writer One - "Hey, we can always have Superbubba talk some sense into him. Or have his busty blond bimbo cousin show up to teach Jordan the Krypton Sutra or something."
DC Writer Three - "Yeah, we don't have to KEEP it edgy, just pretend it's edgy for a few issues, and then find out what the focus groups suggest next time.
DC Writer One - "Yeah, we've just about smoked this bowl up, so let's call it a wrap, okay? I've got a meeting for the "G'Nort - the Movie" coming up, and the studio promised someone who would show me the real meaning of doin' it doggy."
DC Writers Three and Two - "Again!! That stinks worse than Darkseid's jockstrap! When do we score the hot babes??"
DC Writer One - "It's good to be head writer, what can I say......"
"We looked at what was going on in the marketplace and felt we really want to inject new life in our characters and line. This was a chance to start, not at the beginning, but at a point where our characters are younger and the stories are being told for today's audience."
So I got to thinking about this new
DC Writer One - (Taking a big ol' hit off the Crack Pipe Of Infinite Lameness) "Okay, look, all the focus groups have agreed what we're sucking dead penguin junk when it comes to Marvel's stuff."
DC Writer Three - "Well, duh! They've got all the cool edgy stuff plus Mickey von Maus throwing his weight. We got, what, a bunch of iconic comic book characters and Warner Brothers."
DC Writer Three - "Hand me that crack pipe" *SUUUUCCCCK* Ah, that's good. Anyway, yeah, we have all that iconic crap, but the kids today aren't buying it. They're just jonesing on the facejournal and youtwitter and the social mediates like that. We need to show them we're just as 'hip' and 'withit' and 'connected' as they are."
DC Writer One - "That's easy! We have that DC Universe game on the intertubes!! And it's backed by the power of Sony! It's going to be as durable and long-lasting as their Walkmans are!!!"
DC Writer Three - "Umm, actually did you hear what happened to Sony?? I think someone spilled Pepsi on their modem or something. Took down DC Universe for a week."
DC Writer Three - "So".
DC Writer One - "Hey, don't bogart that crack pipe" *SUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK* "AHHHH!! What's the in term this year?? The one that says we're not the same old stuff, we're new! We're edgy! We're in touch!! Rebeet?? Reset?? Something like that?"
DC Writer Two - "You mean "reboot"??"
DC Writer One - "YES!! THAT'S IT!! We reboot the whole thing! Make it edgy and new again! Nobody has ever tried that before!!"
Nameless Intern One - "Umm, well, there was that "Crisis on Infinite Earths" thing years ago..."
DC Writer One - "SHUT THE HELL UP!! Who asked you?? You're just here to fluff my pillows and get me coffee!!
Nameless Intern One - "No, seriously, we did that in 1985!"
DC Writer Two - "Yeah, SURE we did. Next thing you'll be claiming we kill characters off just to sell comics, and then find lame reasons to bring them back again?"
Nameless Intern One - "You mean like 'Doomsday' and 'Zero Hour: Crisis in Time', and 'Death of the New Gods' and....."
DC Writer One - "SHUT UP!! You're fired! Security, throw this bum out!!!"
(Sounds of a tussle, mixed with cursing when the crack pipe gets knocked over)
DC Writer One - *SUUUUCKKK* "So where were we?? What can we do to piss on.....err, I mean reboot our established characters??"
DC Writer Three - "Well, we could make Superman's rocket crash in the Georgia Swamps, and let him get raised by a kindly old redneck family! He grows up to be a good ol' boy with a liking for fast cars and country metal".
DC Writer One - "I LIKE it! We could use that in the movie tie ins. Get companies to sponsor his cape like they do with NASCAR. Make him seem more human, more one of us."
DC Writer Two - "Give me the pipe, I haven't taken a hit yet" *SUCCCCKKKKKK* "Ah, that's good shit. Anyway, how about Batman. His parents don't get killed, but his dad gets bought out in a hostile takeover and they lose their money and fancy house. And he like, grows up to take a CPA job in the company that used to be his dad's, where he embezzles money to try and bring down the businesmen that runied his father!"
DC Writer One - "Has potential, but check to see what the suits at Warner Brothers think. If we can make the businessmen look like those bastards at the Mousehouse, so much the better."
DC Writer Three - "Oooh! What about Green Lantern?? We can make Hal Jordan an embittered ex-fighter pilot who was kicked out under 'Don't Ask - Don't Tell'. We do a special adults issue that has him falling in love with Abin Sur and finding out he's been doing the nasty with an alien, who gives him his ring as a marriage proposal before getting hit by a car or something".
DC Writer One - "Hmmm, that's an idea. We have him dating Kevin Ferris on the side, and revamp the entire series to match. I like it a lot!"
DC Writer Two - "Wow, what a rush. Oh, yeah, reboot, right. I dunno how well that idea would fly with some of our less urban readers, you know?"
DC Writer One - "Hey, we can always have Superbubba talk some sense into him. Or have his busty blond bimbo cousin show up to teach Jordan the Krypton Sutra or something."
DC Writer Three - "Yeah, we don't have to KEEP it edgy, just pretend it's edgy for a few issues, and then find out what the focus groups suggest next time.
DC Writer One - "Yeah, we've just about smoked this bowl up, so let's call it a wrap, okay? I've got a meeting for the "G'Nort - the Movie" coming up, and the studio promised someone who would show me the real meaning of doin' it doggy."
DC Writers Three and Two - "Again!! That stinks worse than Darkseid's jockstrap! When do we score the hot babes??"
DC Writer One - "It's good to be head writer, what can I say......"
