Say What???
Dec. 29th, 2004 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundI had posted this last week in the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
bad_sex community, but a couple of my friends last night suggested I should share it on my normal LJ as well. Share the pain I guess......
This isn't so much "Bad Sex" as "Bad Situation with quasi-sexual overtones"
Many years ago, I started to show interest in this lass about the same age as I was. So, she decided to invite me up to Long Beach to meet her mom. At this point, anything between us had pretty much been limited to cuddling, kissing, and some very light petting. She seemed rather inhibited on such matters, so I was willing to take my time on such matters.
Okay, so far, so interesting. Get to her mom's house in Long Beach, walk in, and her mom gives me a big hug.
I'll note the fact that her mom was also stark naked at the time.
Turns out her mom and the three boyfriends she lived with were nudists. Okay, no problem, not my cup of tea, but whatever. (the girl I was starting to date wasn't one, which is why I didn't know this little tidbit. And she didn't want to tell me for fear I'd get scared off. Trust me, that wasn't what scared me off.)
Anyway, we're talking, her older brother comes home, (he was living there at the time), and promply disrobes as well. The only two people there wearing clothes are me and the girl I was starting to date.
After dinner, mom comes up to me, and gives me another hug, sliding her hand across my rear. Then she says "I like you. I've always hoped my daughter would find a boyfriend that I could share with her."
Blink. Blink. BLINK!!!!
I'm sure I had a stunned look and was twitching, because she laughed, copped a feel, and walked away.
Later I mention this to the girl in question, who says "oh, yeah, that's been one of mom's fantasies for a while".
While playing Trivial Pursuit later on, her mom and two of her three boyfriends start talking about a convention in Las Vegas that they're planning to go to. Turns out, it's a swingers convention. Yeah, they're not just nudists, but swingers as well. Suddenly her mom says to her daughter "You know, you really need to go to one someday, it would do you a lot of good. You could even take your new boyfriend. He'd love to meet everyone. Did I mention your father is going to be there?"
Twich was going into full shudder at the moment. Not that I have anything against swingers, but, again, not my cup of tea. Somehow her mom talking about this as a "family vacation" though was creepy.
The girl I'm dating tells her mom that such really isn't her thing, but thanks anyway, when her *brother*, (yes, her brother), says "Oh come on. You'd have lots of fun. Besides, you've got a great set of tits, and it's a shame to hide them behind clothes. And your boyfriend would just love getting it on with mom and your aunt."
Yes, her brother just complemented his younger sister on her tits, and suggested that I boink their mom and aunt. I now feel like I've crossed into the twilight zone.
I spent a weekend at her house. Her mom gave us the guest room, (complete with large bowl of condoms and lube right by the bed. She later commented before we left that she was disappointed that we hadn't used any, and she was worried that me and her daughter "were too inhibited for our own good") Her mom also tried to take a shower with me Saturday morning before we went off to the beach. (Shudder!)
Sunday afternoon, we leave, and the girl in question apologizes for her family. Seems almost all the family swings, (as far as I know, not with each other though), and she's one of the few that doesn't play that way.
Soon after that, she decided to break up with me to run off to Las Vegas and marry a sailor. Many years later, when our paths crossed again, she apologized for breaking up with me, but she wanted to move out of the same state as her family and that was the fastest way to do such. She was also getting tired of her mom trying to get her to sleep with her mom's boyfriends.
The ironic thing is we never did really do anything but cuddle and kiss with each other while we were involved.
bad_sex community, but a couple of my friends last night suggested I should share it on my normal LJ as well. Share the pain I guess......This isn't so much "Bad Sex" as "Bad Situation with quasi-sexual overtones"
Many years ago, I started to show interest in this lass about the same age as I was. So, she decided to invite me up to Long Beach to meet her mom. At this point, anything between us had pretty much been limited to cuddling, kissing, and some very light petting. She seemed rather inhibited on such matters, so I was willing to take my time on such matters.
Okay, so far, so interesting. Get to her mom's house in Long Beach, walk in, and her mom gives me a big hug.
I'll note the fact that her mom was also stark naked at the time.
Turns out her mom and the three boyfriends she lived with were nudists. Okay, no problem, not my cup of tea, but whatever. (the girl I was starting to date wasn't one, which is why I didn't know this little tidbit. And she didn't want to tell me for fear I'd get scared off. Trust me, that wasn't what scared me off.)
Anyway, we're talking, her older brother comes home, (he was living there at the time), and promply disrobes as well. The only two people there wearing clothes are me and the girl I was starting to date.
After dinner, mom comes up to me, and gives me another hug, sliding her hand across my rear. Then she says "I like you. I've always hoped my daughter would find a boyfriend that I could share with her."
Blink. Blink. BLINK!!!!
I'm sure I had a stunned look and was twitching, because she laughed, copped a feel, and walked away.
Later I mention this to the girl in question, who says "oh, yeah, that's been one of mom's fantasies for a while".
While playing Trivial Pursuit later on, her mom and two of her three boyfriends start talking about a convention in Las Vegas that they're planning to go to. Turns out, it's a swingers convention. Yeah, they're not just nudists, but swingers as well. Suddenly her mom says to her daughter "You know, you really need to go to one someday, it would do you a lot of good. You could even take your new boyfriend. He'd love to meet everyone. Did I mention your father is going to be there?"
Twich was going into full shudder at the moment. Not that I have anything against swingers, but, again, not my cup of tea. Somehow her mom talking about this as a "family vacation" though was creepy.
The girl I'm dating tells her mom that such really isn't her thing, but thanks anyway, when her *brother*, (yes, her brother), says "Oh come on. You'd have lots of fun. Besides, you've got a great set of tits, and it's a shame to hide them behind clothes. And your boyfriend would just love getting it on with mom and your aunt."
Yes, her brother just complemented his younger sister on her tits, and suggested that I boink their mom and aunt. I now feel like I've crossed into the twilight zone.
I spent a weekend at her house. Her mom gave us the guest room, (complete with large bowl of condoms and lube right by the bed. She later commented before we left that she was disappointed that we hadn't used any, and she was worried that me and her daughter "were too inhibited for our own good") Her mom also tried to take a shower with me Saturday morning before we went off to the beach. (Shudder!)
Sunday afternoon, we leave, and the girl in question apologizes for her family. Seems almost all the family swings, (as far as I know, not with each other though), and she's one of the few that doesn't play that way.
Soon after that, she decided to break up with me to run off to Las Vegas and marry a sailor. Many years later, when our paths crossed again, she apologized for breaking up with me, but she wanted to move out of the same state as her family and that was the fastest way to do such. She was also getting tired of her mom trying to get her to sleep with her mom's boyfriends.
The ironic thing is we never did really do anything but cuddle and kiss with each other while we were involved.
