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patgund(For once, my Snuffles icon is REALLY appropriate!)
For sale on ebay, one demonically-posessed teddy bear
Large Stuffed Bear - Haunted / Demonic Presence
I love the comments at the bottom:
"Q: You sir, are my hero. I was entranced reading your story and even jumped when I heard a noise outside. Just one question, you have no memories of anything specifically evil about Baron when you were a child?
A: He was my imaginary friend stuffed bear. I don't recall anything specifically evil, but unsettling.. yes. For example, I would often have the feeling that there was a lady under the built-in bed in my room that wanted me to crawl under there and be there forever.
Q: Any information about fiber content? I'm thinking that your experiences are due to the bear not being machine-washable.
A: Fiber content? I think you would need a lot of roughage to move that thing out. Stuffing, fake fur, etc would likely clog your colon.
Q: Hopefully you will answer my question this time. If i buy this bear and the evil within is transferred to me, thus leaving me possessed by the evil, are you willing to refund my money? If not, would you at least be willing to pay for an exorcist to rid me of the evil? Thank you.
A: I am not responsible for anything once Baron leaves my hands.
Q: Will it be safe to ship the bear to the UK. I have a neighbours cat that is constantly fouling my garden. I figure the bear may be able to help me and might not be as evil as you think. Maybe he is just misunderstood. However I am concerned for the safety of passengers on a ship or plane?
A: Bear on a plane. BEAR ON A PLANE. Sorry, forgot myself. Properly sealed, the passengers shouldn't be in any danger.
Q: Does the bear come armed? What choices in armament are there?
A: Buyer supplies all sharp / jagged objects.
Q: Has this bear been taken to a certified excorsist? And has it been given a sponge bath? I'm really, frightfully worried ... that it might smell. Thanks---Syrus.
A: It smells of brimstone. I will include an air freshener in the box on request (the little dangly pine tree thing).
Q: OK, this might seem an odd inquiry, but here goes: My girlfriend whom I have been dating for a year and am deeply in love with is having an affair. I was just tippped off to this by one of her good friends. I was doubtful at first, but this information was confirmed soberly by a second friend whom I trust implicitly. Not only is she having an affair, but it's with a mutual aquaintance. I consider myself to be a fairly perceptive guy, but I had no clue. My quandry is this: I had planned on simply breaking up with her, but in all truth, I am enraged. I feel I deserve justice. And from what I've read, Baron is just what she deserves. My question to you is whether or not you feel that, if I buy Baron and have it shipped to Marissa, that he can be trusted to pull his dark mojo on her or not. I mean, he's supernatural, so there's obviously SOME chance he could find me, yes? I don't wanna mess with no funky evil bear.
A: She deserves it. Normally I would say yes, but sacrificing your harlot of a girlfriend to him should keep him happy. Did I mention that I'll giftwrap?
Q: All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,
A: Dear lord.
Q: Hi do you think Baron would respond to a little TLC ? He looks very sweet, I no appearances can be deceptive-but perhaps all he needs is love?? Are you prepared to risk shipping to UK-?? If so what is the cost? Thankyou I hope Baron finds some peace. Love Cathy
A: I feel very happy about being on the brink of getting this damn thing out of my life, so I have let some 'gallows humor' slip into my answers. MAKE NO MISTAKE, this is not a sweet bear. This is not a bear that needs love. I don't know what shipping to the UK would cost. Show your postman this auction.
For sale on ebay, one demonically-posessed teddy bear
Large Stuffed Bear - Haunted / Demonic Presence
I love the comments at the bottom:
"Q: You sir, are my hero. I was entranced reading your story and even jumped when I heard a noise outside. Just one question, you have no memories of anything specifically evil about Baron when you were a child?
A: He was my imaginary friend stuffed bear. I don't recall anything specifically evil, but unsettling.. yes. For example, I would often have the feeling that there was a lady under the built-in bed in my room that wanted me to crawl under there and be there forever.
Q: Any information about fiber content? I'm thinking that your experiences are due to the bear not being machine-washable.
A: Fiber content? I think you would need a lot of roughage to move that thing out. Stuffing, fake fur, etc would likely clog your colon.
Q: Hopefully you will answer my question this time. If i buy this bear and the evil within is transferred to me, thus leaving me possessed by the evil, are you willing to refund my money? If not, would you at least be willing to pay for an exorcist to rid me of the evil? Thank you.
A: I am not responsible for anything once Baron leaves my hands.
Q: Will it be safe to ship the bear to the UK. I have a neighbours cat that is constantly fouling my garden. I figure the bear may be able to help me and might not be as evil as you think. Maybe he is just misunderstood. However I am concerned for the safety of passengers on a ship or plane?
A: Bear on a plane. BEAR ON A PLANE. Sorry, forgot myself. Properly sealed, the passengers shouldn't be in any danger.
Q: Does the bear come armed? What choices in armament are there?
A: Buyer supplies all sharp / jagged objects.
Q: Has this bear been taken to a certified excorsist? And has it been given a sponge bath? I'm really, frightfully worried ... that it might smell. Thanks---Syrus.
A: It smells of brimstone. I will include an air freshener in the box on request (the little dangly pine tree thing).
Q: OK, this might seem an odd inquiry, but here goes: My girlfriend whom I have been dating for a year and am deeply in love with is having an affair. I was just tippped off to this by one of her good friends. I was doubtful at first, but this information was confirmed soberly by a second friend whom I trust implicitly. Not only is she having an affair, but it's with a mutual aquaintance. I consider myself to be a fairly perceptive guy, but I had no clue. My quandry is this: I had planned on simply breaking up with her, but in all truth, I am enraged. I feel I deserve justice. And from what I've read, Baron is just what she deserves. My question to you is whether or not you feel that, if I buy Baron and have it shipped to Marissa, that he can be trusted to pull his dark mojo on her or not. I mean, he's supernatural, so there's obviously SOME chance he could find me, yes? I don't wanna mess with no funky evil bear.
A: She deserves it. Normally I would say yes, but sacrificing your harlot of a girlfriend to him should keep him happy. Did I mention that I'll giftwrap?
Q: All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,All work and no Ebay makes Baron a dull bear,
A: Dear lord.
Q: Hi do you think Baron would respond to a little TLC ? He looks very sweet, I no appearances can be deceptive-but perhaps all he needs is love?? Are you prepared to risk shipping to UK-?? If so what is the cost? Thankyou I hope Baron finds some peace. Love Cathy
A: I feel very happy about being on the brink of getting this damn thing out of my life, so I have let some 'gallows humor' slip into my answers. MAKE NO MISTAKE, this is not a sweet bear. This is not a bear that needs love. I don't know what shipping to the UK would cost. Show your postman this auction.
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