*Snork*

[patgund]

Thanks to metaquotes, I found this wonderful commentary on Southern Cooking

"Now, this is what I love Southern cooking. See, it's really all in the name of the dish. 

Burn it? Accidentally spill the cayenne pepper all over the place? Relax, it's Cajun-style.

Worry that your fragile ego can't take criticism of the dish you spent all day on? It's Grandma's Secret Recipe! It's so secret, no one else has ever even had it! (Note: if your grandmother is actually there, it's your other grandma's recipe. If both are there...well, you're just out of luck.)

Have a bunch of random ingredients for soup that may or may not be toxic? It's gumbo.

Stuck in the middle of a civil war with nothing but corn meal and oil to fry it in to keep the roving bands of dogs from eating you? Hush Puppies!

Only have parts of the pig and plants that really ought not be eaten? Chitlins and greens!

And if you break the top layer of your chocolate cake before you assemble it? It's Mississippi Mudslide Cake!"

There should also be a section on "if it stays still long enough, deep-fry it"........

Comments

[ismarc.livejournal.com]

Uhhhhhhh...

If there's only one aspect of my southern upbringing that stuck it was the cuisine.  Southern cooking evolved out of being po (unlike Scottish cuisine which evolved based on a dare).  "Po" should not be confused with "poor".  "Po" is worse than destitute by an order of magnitude.

Now, a few corrections:

You don't ever spill cayenne pepper all over the place because it's a commodity that is far to difficult to replace because you are po.  Excessive amounts of cayenne or used:  (1.)  Because measuring devices aren't used in the south and (2.) because you are po and you have to add flavor somehow.

Secret recipes should be attributed to the great-grandmother as she's likely dead and won't be in attendance.  I have literally hundreds of ancient recipes (a rarity as my family could read and write) attributed to dead ancestors.

The idea that gumbo is not made from random ingredients is absurd as anyone who was raised within the confines of a traditional southern (or cajun) family knows that the recipe is very specific and is imparted by the elder gods during the threshold state of sanity/insanity that occurs during the communion trance.  There is no other explanation of the combination of okra (cooked to the point of Cthulu slime) and seafood, two of the vital ingredients of gumbo.  One must also be under the influence of some Lovecraftian power to eat gumbo.  Gumbo is actually home-made Chtulu ectoplasm.

Sure you can make hushpuppies with your corn meal but tradition dictates that you serve fried catfish as well.  Better to make a dish known as (I swear I'm not making this up) "ho bread".  This is a cornmeal loaf usually fried in an iron skillet, usually with chunks of corn added.  It is flatter and denser than corn bread.  It's a derivative of hoe bread or hoe cake, a dish attributed to American Indian/Native American origins.  Actual recipes vary.

Greens are actually very good when prepared properly.  Anyone who doesn't think so has never had my greens. Most sotherners overcook their greens to the point of (again) Cthulu slime and most non-southerners associate greens (mustard, collard, and turnip) with what is called polk weed, which when cooked becomes more slimy than overcooked spinach and is even too slimy for Cthulu.

Chit'lins (or more accurately, chitterlings) no longer qualify as an edible dish.  The only six humans to ever eat chit'lins were my grandmother and a few aunts and uncles.  They have all since passed from this world, thus chit'lins are no longer classified as a food but rather as toxic waste.  This is further reinforced by the fact that the stench emitted by cooking chit'lins has the capacity to spark instant madness (thus the ability to eat said chit'lins).  Fortunately for me, the scent actually activated my flight or flight instinct and I would flee the site of cooking chit'lins at a whiff.  I still carry the indelible impression of the horror associated with cooking chit'lins with me, occasionally waking up screaming in a cold sweat from the nightmares.

Now the deep fry rule does apply.  I am an advocate of deep frying everything... in pork fat when possible.  I attribute this to the Lovecraftian insanity induced during my formative years.

[patgund.livejournal.com]

I've had a belief for a long time now that the modern-day garden slug evolved from primative boiled okra.

At a sushi place in Texas, I encountered something called a "Louisiana Roll". Crayfish and Okra in spicy mayo.

[firedrake-mor.livejournal.com]

The only way I ever enjoyed okra was breaded and fried. I've never been one for da gumbo, partick'larly.

As for greens -- you're right. Properly prepared they can be wonderful (found a place in Van Nuys, of all things, and does great things with them). You're also right in that most people overcook them horribly.

Chitlins? Not in MY house, you don't!

Proper Southern Cooking

[hawkhaven.livejournal.com]

Good evening, gentlemen, from a southern Cook.
Obviously, you have never had _my_ fried okra. The secret is; dampen your sliced (no bigger then a quarter-inch) okra with water, and toss lightly with self-rising flour, salt and pepper. Fry quickly in a half-inch of vegetable oil in a skillet, turning the okra often with two tools, breaking up the clumps as they fry. As they turn a lovely shade of light caramel brown, take them out and drain on papertowels.
*warning*-if done correctly, they will disappear like popcorn on movie night with teenagers.
In fact, there is a movie theater here in Alabama that serves fried okra
A menu here for company coming would be;
Relish Dish (pickles, usually homemade)
Fried chicken
Rice and gravy
green beans
fried corn (creamed corn for you Yankees)
Fried okra
Fresh tomato slices
homemade biscuits or loaf bread
Peach Cobbler and Homemade ice cream

the Greens are more of a Fall and Winter dish, as is the Fried Green Tomatos.
Gumbo, when made by the hands of a REAL Cajun Cook, is a nectar for the Gods.
Corn on the cob usually is only served on those days you put a pot of water on to boil and then go out to the cornfield and pull a few ears-shucking them on the way back to the house....

Are you hungry yet?