"Threesomes, as they are less charmingly called, can be STD-riddled, jealousy-filled excursions that I don't recommend most couples take."
Here we're in agreement: polyamory isn't for everyone, just as marriage itself isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the maturity and the selflessness to be in a relationship, regardless of the number.
"Threesome fantasies feed directly into male evolutionary urgings, since men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed and commune with as many fertile females as possible. So let's let them off the hook and help them focus on healthy sexual pursuits."
Given that it's an evolutionary urge, that implies that it already IS a healthy sexual pursuit. However, I'm not fully prepared to argue that we make monogamy illegal, just yet. Nor am I prepared to argue in favor of the implication of that statement, that men therefore have little actual control over their urges. If that were true, men would never adopt another man's children, risk their lives for the sake of others, or stay married to one woman all their lives. After all, there are strong evolutionary urges against all of those things, yet men overcome them routinely, with relatively little fanfare.
"How are you going to find a cache of willing participants to keep the fantasy fires burning?"
Yes, that is a problem with polyamory and swinging. The answer, just as for singles, is specialty dating groups. It's not easy for anyone to find willing participants, as you put it. The lives we lead are hectic, and sometimes leave little time for some of the subtler necessities of life, such as the company of others. That it is difficult, however, is a poor reason to scratch it off the list. Space exploration is difficult, too, and far more dangerous and costly than simply finding compatible mates. Wisely, we haven't scratched that off the list (yet), either.
I submit the pressure for or against polyamory is a purely cultural one, not a psychological one, based on the several polyamorous cultures in the world. That being the case, to argue against polyamory or its shorter-lived cousin, swinging, without adequate clinical proof of harm is to simply treat the symptoms of your troubled patients, and not the root problem.
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My letter to her, Part II
Date: 2006-12-08 08:56 am (UTC)"Threesomes, as they are less charmingly called, can be STD-riddled, jealousy-filled excursions that I don't recommend most couples take."
Here we're in agreement: polyamory isn't for everyone, just as marriage itself isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the maturity and the selflessness to be in a relationship, regardless of the number.
"Threesome fantasies feed directly into male evolutionary urgings, since men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed and commune with as many fertile females as possible. So let's let them off the hook and help them focus on healthy sexual pursuits."
Given that it's an evolutionary urge, that implies that it already IS a healthy sexual pursuit. However, I'm not fully prepared to argue that we make monogamy illegal, just yet. Nor am I prepared to argue in favor of the implication of that statement, that men therefore have little actual control over their urges. If that were true, men would never adopt another man's children, risk their lives for the sake of others, or stay married to one woman all their lives. After all, there are strong evolutionary urges against all of those things, yet men overcome them routinely, with relatively little fanfare.
"How are you going to find a cache of willing participants to keep the fantasy fires burning?"
Yes, that is a problem with polyamory and swinging. The answer, just as for singles, is specialty dating groups. It's not easy for anyone to find willing participants, as you put it. The lives we lead are hectic, and sometimes leave little time for some of the subtler necessities of life, such as the company of others. That it is difficult, however, is a poor reason to scratch it off the list. Space exploration is difficult, too, and far more dangerous and costly than simply finding compatible mates. Wisely, we haven't scratched that off the list (yet), either.
I submit the pressure for or against polyamory is a purely cultural one, not a psychological one, based on the several polyamorous cultures in the world. That being the case, to argue against polyamory or its shorter-lived cousin, swinging, without adequate clinical proof of harm is to simply treat the symptoms of your troubled patients, and not the root problem.
Respectfully,
John A. Whiting