What a poisonous little article.......
Dec. 6th, 2006 02:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundThree on a match can be dangerous
Problem #1 - "In my clinical practice, I've found that when people swing there is usually a problem. Sharing sex with multiple partners is seldom an offshoot of a healthy relationship."
The couples she sees are in trouble for a variety of reasons. So she's not seeing any relationship, closed, open, mono, poly, swinging, whatever, in a healthy state.
Problem #2 - "Threesome fantasies feed directly into male evolutionary urgings, since men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed and commune with as many fertile females as possible. So let's let them off the hook and help them focus on healthy sexual pursuits."
Translation - "The poor things can't think with anything but their gentials, so let's give them that excuse for being enslaved by all that testosterone".
Problem #3 - "Men tend to be more lustful, in life and in their fantasies. They frequently objectify the objects of their fantasy, and focus on physical attributes. Women muse more about seduction, setting and emotion."
Funny, I'm a big thinker on subjects like seduction, setting, and the emotional context and subtext involved. And last time I checked, I was male.
Problem #4 - "Polyamory, that pie-in-the-sky idea that you can love and bed more than one person at a time, ultimately doesn't work. Rather, it's a much better idea to find ways to spice up your sex life a deux.
Share appropriate fantasies that feature your partner as the main event. Break out the video camera and erase the tape afterward. Have sex in a public bathroom. Share some self-love, that most taboo of activities, in front of each other. That way you get the thrill of a little kinkiness without having to invite anybody else into your bed."
Excuse me, she suggests that breaking the law and having sex in a public restroom is a better option than having two (or more) loving relationships??? Dare I ask why??
And "Self-love" being "that most taboo of activities"??? Please. Rubber-clad penguins in bondage is taboo, "self-love" is, at worse, only very mildly kinky.
As for "pie-in-the-sky", yes, Poly relationships take work. Newsflash, EVERY relationship, even the one you have with yourself, takes work.
She's making generalizations based on a skewed represenative sample. If I tried that in college, the paper would have (rightly so) gotten a D or F.
Problem #1 - "In my clinical practice, I've found that when people swing there is usually a problem. Sharing sex with multiple partners is seldom an offshoot of a healthy relationship."
The couples she sees are in trouble for a variety of reasons. So she's not seeing any relationship, closed, open, mono, poly, swinging, whatever, in a healthy state.
Problem #2 - "Threesome fantasies feed directly into male evolutionary urgings, since men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed and commune with as many fertile females as possible. So let's let them off the hook and help them focus on healthy sexual pursuits."
Translation - "The poor things can't think with anything but their gentials, so let's give them that excuse for being enslaved by all that testosterone".
Problem #3 - "Men tend to be more lustful, in life and in their fantasies. They frequently objectify the objects of their fantasy, and focus on physical attributes. Women muse more about seduction, setting and emotion."
Funny, I'm a big thinker on subjects like seduction, setting, and the emotional context and subtext involved. And last time I checked, I was male.
Problem #4 - "Polyamory, that pie-in-the-sky idea that you can love and bed more than one person at a time, ultimately doesn't work. Rather, it's a much better idea to find ways to spice up your sex life a deux.
Share appropriate fantasies that feature your partner as the main event. Break out the video camera and erase the tape afterward. Have sex in a public bathroom. Share some self-love, that most taboo of activities, in front of each other. That way you get the thrill of a little kinkiness without having to invite anybody else into your bed."
Excuse me, she suggests that breaking the law and having sex in a public restroom is a better option than having two (or more) loving relationships??? Dare I ask why??
And "Self-love" being "that most taboo of activities"??? Please. Rubber-clad penguins in bondage is taboo, "self-love" is, at worse, only very mildly kinky.
As for "pie-in-the-sky", yes, Poly relationships take work. Newsflash, EVERY relationship, even the one you have with yourself, takes work.
She's making generalizations based on a skewed represenative sample. If I tried that in college, the paper would have (rightly so) gotten a D or F.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
My letter to her, Part II
Date: 2006-12-08 08:56 am (UTC)"Threesomes, as they are less charmingly called, can be STD-riddled, jealousy-filled excursions that I don't recommend most couples take."
Here we're in agreement: polyamory isn't for everyone, just as marriage itself isn't for everyone. Not everyone has the maturity and the selflessness to be in a relationship, regardless of the number.
"Threesome fantasies feed directly into male evolutionary urgings, since men are genetically predisposed to spread their seed and commune with as many fertile females as possible. So let's let them off the hook and help them focus on healthy sexual pursuits."
Given that it's an evolutionary urge, that implies that it already IS a healthy sexual pursuit. However, I'm not fully prepared to argue that we make monogamy illegal, just yet. Nor am I prepared to argue in favor of the implication of that statement, that men therefore have little actual control over their urges. If that were true, men would never adopt another man's children, risk their lives for the sake of others, or stay married to one woman all their lives. After all, there are strong evolutionary urges against all of those things, yet men overcome them routinely, with relatively little fanfare.
"How are you going to find a cache of willing participants to keep the fantasy fires burning?"
Yes, that is a problem with polyamory and swinging. The answer, just as for singles, is specialty dating groups. It's not easy for anyone to find willing participants, as you put it. The lives we lead are hectic, and sometimes leave little time for some of the subtler necessities of life, such as the company of others. That it is difficult, however, is a poor reason to scratch it off the list. Space exploration is difficult, too, and far more dangerous and costly than simply finding compatible mates. Wisely, we haven't scratched that off the list (yet), either.
I submit the pressure for or against polyamory is a purely cultural one, not a psychological one, based on the several polyamorous cultures in the world. That being the case, to argue against polyamory or its shorter-lived cousin, swinging, without adequate clinical proof of harm is to simply treat the symptoms of your troubled patients, and not the root problem.
Respectfully,
John A. Whiting