*LAUGH!!!!*
Mar. 19th, 2007 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundLeave it to "The Onion".....
Area Pagan Dreading Big Family Vernal Equinox Celebration
"Most pagans look forward to marking the Vernal Equinox, when the hours of sunlight equal the hours of darkness. Yet for some, like Birch, this sacred springtime celebration of balance and harmony means contending with family infighting and undue stress.
"Talking to Mom the other day, it was the same old manipulative 'You're coming home, right?'" said Birch, referring to a recent phone conversation with his mother, Freyja Birch. "If I hesitate for even a second, she piles on the guilt—like how this may be the last year Nana Hippolyta can perform the garden fertility ritual, or that without my masculine energy, the yin-and-yang balance will be thrown off—until I finally give in."
"But I don't want to have to use up my vacation time and travel almost 300 miles to Portland just to listen to Grandma Moon Odin Rhiannon complain during the sunrise ritual that Mom's not putting enough rose petals in the cauldron or is letting the bonfire get too low," Birch continued. "That will just set Mom off bitching at Grandma for constantly trying to undermine her spiritual relationship with the Pagan Goddess of Dawn and then no one will speak to each other until nightfall."
Birch said he has little sympathy for his perfectionist mother, who reportedly tries to do too much and invites too many people. He says she is known to spend countless hours weaving thistle wreaths and sun-drying her own currants for hot cross buns in preparation for the Equinox. "It's hard to feel sorry for her when things don't go exactly according to her elaborate, impossible plans," Birch said. "And she knows better than to invite Aunt Isolde, who always has too much mulled mead and starts moaning about the lack of a good high priest in her life."
Area Pagan Dreading Big Family Vernal Equinox Celebration
"Most pagans look forward to marking the Vernal Equinox, when the hours of sunlight equal the hours of darkness. Yet for some, like Birch, this sacred springtime celebration of balance and harmony means contending with family infighting and undue stress.
"Talking to Mom the other day, it was the same old manipulative 'You're coming home, right?'" said Birch, referring to a recent phone conversation with his mother, Freyja Birch. "If I hesitate for even a second, she piles on the guilt—like how this may be the last year Nana Hippolyta can perform the garden fertility ritual, or that without my masculine energy, the yin-and-yang balance will be thrown off—until I finally give in."
"But I don't want to have to use up my vacation time and travel almost 300 miles to Portland just to listen to Grandma Moon Odin Rhiannon complain during the sunrise ritual that Mom's not putting enough rose petals in the cauldron or is letting the bonfire get too low," Birch continued. "That will just set Mom off bitching at Grandma for constantly trying to undermine her spiritual relationship with the Pagan Goddess of Dawn and then no one will speak to each other until nightfall."
Birch said he has little sympathy for his perfectionist mother, who reportedly tries to do too much and invites too many people. He says she is known to spend countless hours weaving thistle wreaths and sun-drying her own currants for hot cross buns in preparation for the Equinox. "It's hard to feel sorry for her when things don't go exactly according to her elaborate, impossible plans," Birch said. "And she knows better than to invite Aunt Isolde, who always has too much mulled mead and starts moaning about the lack of a good high priest in her life."
