Random thoughts
Sep. 30th, 2002 03:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundSleep would be nice. Not that I've gotten much of it lately. Mind going a mile a minute for the most part, even when I've been feeling halfway decent. Fragmented, jumbled thoughts and kibbles and bits.
There's even been a couple of times that I've had that most annoying of dream states, the Teddy Bear dream. Which would be okay, if someone would tell me what the flaming hell it means!!!!!!
Also some odd, unsettled sex dreams as well. Which in part may be due to things being unsettled in that realm, and part due to the fact my libido keeps climbing, and climbing, and climbing, and climbing........ And doesn't seem to want to go back down. Which is getting more than slightly annoying.
And the occasional wish to play somewhat more intensely, to explore that line between control and intensity. Which has not only come out of left field, but has caught me off guard.
(sigh) Why bother. If I could turn my libido off in a second, I'd do it. If I could turn my emotions off in a second, I'd do it. I can't seem to see where either does me any good.
And, of course, it seems like most of the people I know only want me around when their computer goes south. Good old fucking reliable PatGund.
I'm tired of people that I care for, people I want to love making me pie crust promises. I'm tired of promises that nobody has any intention of keeping, that are made only to get something from me. Tired of loss, tired of betrayal, tired of being the afterthought.
Oh well. Pie crust promises. Weird fragments of stuff passing my thoughts, bits and pieces. Wish I could figure it out.
There's even been a couple of times that I've had that most annoying of dream states, the Teddy Bear dream. Which would be okay, if someone would tell me what the flaming hell it means!!!!!!
Also some odd, unsettled sex dreams as well. Which in part may be due to things being unsettled in that realm, and part due to the fact my libido keeps climbing, and climbing, and climbing, and climbing........ And doesn't seem to want to go back down. Which is getting more than slightly annoying.
And the occasional wish to play somewhat more intensely, to explore that line between control and intensity. Which has not only come out of left field, but has caught me off guard.
(sigh) Why bother. If I could turn my libido off in a second, I'd do it. If I could turn my emotions off in a second, I'd do it. I can't seem to see where either does me any good.
And, of course, it seems like most of the people I know only want me around when their computer goes south. Good old fucking reliable PatGund.
I'm tired of people that I care for, people I want to love making me pie crust promises. I'm tired of promises that nobody has any intention of keeping, that are made only to get something from me. Tired of loss, tired of betrayal, tired of being the afterthought.
Oh well. Pie crust promises. Weird fragments of stuff passing my thoughts, bits and pieces. Wish I could figure it out.
