The Top 16 Differences If the Super Bowl Featured Real Pirates

[patgund]

This tidbit was today's ClubTop 5 list, and I just thought
it was too much fun not to share.

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January 27, 2003

NOTE FROM CHRIS:
If you live under a boulder, you may not be aware that
yesterday's Super Bowl game had the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
whipping up on the Oakland Raiders -- two teams with
pirates as their mascots. Which got us to thinking...

The Top 16 Differences If the Super Bowl Featured Real Pirates

16> Marked increase in timber shivering.

15> Penalty for grabbing the face mask penalty replaced
by penalty for grabbing the eye patch.

14> New penalty for swashbuckling in the end zone after a score.

13> Losing team has choice between walking plank into shark-
infested waters or walking plank into mosh pit of Raider fans.

12> Shania Twain leaves with a smile on her face after she
receives a jolly rogering.

11> Sing the friggin' "Star-Spangled Banner" correctly -- or
walk the plank!

10> Yardsticks replaced by two guys with wooden legs, chained together.

9> "Aye, fair wench, serve me up a 32-ounce ration of Bud Lite."

8> No difference at all: The winners would still be knee-deep in booty.

7> Only eleven men allowed on a dead man's chest.

6> "Penalty -- number 79, defense: Illegal use of hook
on crotch. Five yarrrrrrrds!"

5> Despite drunken behavior and deadly sword fights,
fans still well-behaved compared to regular Raiders crowd.

4> Hot cheerleaders? Nay, matey! Scurvy-ridden hags!

3> The kicker incurs an offside penalty if his peg leg goes
through the goal posts ahead of the ball.

2> Opening doubloon toss interrupted by flock of parrots
trying to hump the Dixie Chicks.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Difference If the Super Bowl Featured Real Pirates...

1> Best half-time entertainment ever: The keelhauling of "Up With People!"