The Gollum Voters (Politics)
Sep. 14th, 2004 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundFrom an article in the Boston Globe:
"The Gollum voters"
On Kerry:
"The good Democratic Smeagol voice says, "We likes Kerry. Likes his chance of winning, silly. Beating Bush is precious, preciouss, preciousss. Must vote for Master John." The bad Gollum says, "No, master's bad, flipsy-flopsy. Authorized Iraq, Patriot Act. Compromisesss everything. Praps vote for Ralph Na . . . " But then Smeagol interjects, "Ssssh, don't even think that name. Unless you wants another term of Bush and Sauron, the Dark Lordses."
On Bush:
"Vote for him," the Republican Smeagol will hiss, "he's a man of faith and valueses. Lovesss Jesus and smitesss the infidels." "No," their Gollum whispers, "He's sneaky, tricksy. Does everything for power. Gives tax cuts to orkses.'
Meanwhile, traditional Republicans, dismayed by Bush's foreign policy, fiscal irresponsibility, and assault on civil rights, will hear their own Gollums saying, "Four more yearses, ahhh, we'll be bankruptses. Iraq's a messss. And what does Assshcroft have in his pocketses? The Constitution?" But their Smeagols will reply, "Hold your noses, sillies, get to the fire, sssupport the Massster.
"The Gollum voters"
On Kerry:
"The good Democratic Smeagol voice says, "We likes Kerry. Likes his chance of winning, silly. Beating Bush is precious, preciouss, preciousss. Must vote for Master John." The bad Gollum says, "No, master's bad, flipsy-flopsy. Authorized Iraq, Patriot Act. Compromisesss everything. Praps vote for Ralph Na . . . " But then Smeagol interjects, "Ssssh, don't even think that name. Unless you wants another term of Bush and Sauron, the Dark Lordses."
On Bush:
"Vote for him," the Republican Smeagol will hiss, "he's a man of faith and valueses. Lovesss Jesus and smitesss the infidels." "No," their Gollum whispers, "He's sneaky, tricksy. Does everything for power. Gives tax cuts to orkses.'
Meanwhile, traditional Republicans, dismayed by Bush's foreign policy, fiscal irresponsibility, and assault on civil rights, will hear their own Gollums saying, "Four more yearses, ahhh, we'll be bankruptses. Iraq's a messss. And what does Assshcroft have in his pocketses? The Constitution?" But their Smeagols will reply, "Hold your noses, sillies, get to the fire, sssupport the Massster.
