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patgund When I got home last night, I had to hit my inhaler rather hard. Something I very rarely have to do. But then, I'm not usually at the forced breath and about to black out level of asthma either.
The problem was that using my inhaler left me very dizzy and out of focus. And wired me enough to make sleep last night very, very difficult.
Not that I've been sleeping well of late anyway.
Right now tired and unsettled. The full-spectrum lamp I have in my office seems to be helping the seasonal depression, (if just on placebo effect if nothing else), but I'm still feeling unsettled, uneasy, and isolate. When my harp seems to be the only thing to go home to, and I can talk to my daughter on the phone just as easily from work as from my house, home becomes merely someplace to sleep and store your stuff.
I'd like to find a better place to live, but affordable housing in San Diego is almost completely non-existant. So I'm spinning my wheels where I'm at.
I dunno. Feel like I'm trapped anymore. Feel like at time that the safest thing for me to do is shut down as much of my emotional array as possible, restrict the ability to care to just my daughter. Keep everything else tied down and hidden. Not show the hurt.
Oh well. What will be will be. My faith is almost gone, my dreams are gone, why can't hope be on that list as well? Where's Catbert's "So, you still have hope" video when I need it?? :-)
Oh well. Do my holiday shopping this weekend, get it out of the way. Need to get cards to send as well. Ack.
The problem was that using my inhaler left me very dizzy and out of focus. And wired me enough to make sleep last night very, very difficult.
Not that I've been sleeping well of late anyway.
Right now tired and unsettled. The full-spectrum lamp I have in my office seems to be helping the seasonal depression, (if just on placebo effect if nothing else), but I'm still feeling unsettled, uneasy, and isolate. When my harp seems to be the only thing to go home to, and I can talk to my daughter on the phone just as easily from work as from my house, home becomes merely someplace to sleep and store your stuff.
I'd like to find a better place to live, but affordable housing in San Diego is almost completely non-existant. So I'm spinning my wheels where I'm at.
I dunno. Feel like I'm trapped anymore. Feel like at time that the safest thing for me to do is shut down as much of my emotional array as possible, restrict the ability to care to just my daughter. Keep everything else tied down and hidden. Not show the hurt.
Oh well. What will be will be. My faith is almost gone, my dreams are gone, why can't hope be on that list as well? Where's Catbert's "So, you still have hope" video when I need it?? :-)
Oh well. Do my holiday shopping this weekend, get it out of the way. Need to get cards to send as well. Ack.
