Unknown Ikea Products
Sep. 25th, 2008 03:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundThe products Ikea doesn't want you to know about
"My good friend Doug and his mate Andy have uncovered a range of products by Ikea which, for reasons known only to the company, are being kept a closely guarded secret.
They are:
Krepp : storage box for the attic
Pointliss : fragranced paper flowers
Wanka : paper towel holder
Arsehold : uncomfortable wooden sofa
Pissd : extra large chardonnay glasses
Wathefuk : large glass container of indeterminate purpose
Drivel : the most recent catalogue
Krust : personal grooming equipment
Stubb : a small coffee table that is easy to bump into
Zitt : enlarging make-up mirror
Klaps : a very complicated self assembly cupboard
If anyone has more information about these, or other covert home furnishings, please be sure to let us know.
Update [04/02/2008]: Doug and Andy have unearthed another secret document containing details of the following products:
ignord : pot plant that was impulse bought at the checkout
drivl : bookshelf for Jeffrey Archer novels
smeer : plastic toilet seat
dribl : shaped rug that fits around the toilet
dyre : any framed picture or photograph (especially tennis playing girl who is wearing no knickers)
snnort : any glass topped table
crakk : any glass topped furniture
unred : table for coffee table books
Andy has supplied details of further products discovered during his investigation of Ikea's secrets:
Snagg: A wooden seat with a tiny sharp bit sticking out of the arm
Lurstin: A large beanbag type chair, into which small children disappear
Thwak: A heavy, sharp edged lampshade which hangs too low
Dusta: A non-functioning fluffy pom-pom on the end of a long stick
Scrogg: An item of questionable use, which lives in the bedroom
Krank: A small, yet sturdy implement for opening recalcitrant doors
Wivvit: A kitchen utensil, so called because someone always asks "Wotcha doo wivvit?"
Digga: A type of gardening implement. (Australian stores only)
Spillit: A set of 6 heavy, square shaped mugs with awkward handles
Klatta: A plastic bathroom cabinet, the door of which always slams shut
Manke: A colourful, stiff bristled brush for cleaning mould off tile grout
Stagga: A table in a huge flat-pack box, which is tricky to get to your car
Bord: A pre-framed picture you really liked when you bought it
Stonka: An enormous, heavy wardrobe
Two more products
Notinstok - Matching cupboard doors for Niklas shelving set
Ragg - Overall brand name for all Ikea fabrics
And more...
Wobl - a range of products, all of which are missing one nut
Darknuss - large candles which won't stay lit
Tortur - sofa beds with metal struts positioned at key spinal acupressure points"
"My good friend Doug and his mate Andy have uncovered a range of products by Ikea which, for reasons known only to the company, are being kept a closely guarded secret.
They are:
Krepp : storage box for the attic
Pointliss : fragranced paper flowers
Wanka : paper towel holder
Arsehold : uncomfortable wooden sofa
Pissd : extra large chardonnay glasses
Wathefuk : large glass container of indeterminate purpose
Drivel : the most recent catalogue
Krust : personal grooming equipment
Stubb : a small coffee table that is easy to bump into
Zitt : enlarging make-up mirror
Klaps : a very complicated self assembly cupboard
If anyone has more information about these, or other covert home furnishings, please be sure to let us know.
Update [04/02/2008]: Doug and Andy have unearthed another secret document containing details of the following products:
ignord : pot plant that was impulse bought at the checkout
drivl : bookshelf for Jeffrey Archer novels
smeer : plastic toilet seat
dribl : shaped rug that fits around the toilet
dyre : any framed picture or photograph (especially tennis playing girl who is wearing no knickers)
snnort : any glass topped table
crakk : any glass topped furniture
unred : table for coffee table books
Andy has supplied details of further products discovered during his investigation of Ikea's secrets:
Snagg: A wooden seat with a tiny sharp bit sticking out of the arm
Lurstin: A large beanbag type chair, into which small children disappear
Thwak: A heavy, sharp edged lampshade which hangs too low
Dusta: A non-functioning fluffy pom-pom on the end of a long stick
Scrogg: An item of questionable use, which lives in the bedroom
Krank: A small, yet sturdy implement for opening recalcitrant doors
Wivvit: A kitchen utensil, so called because someone always asks "Wotcha doo wivvit?"
Digga: A type of gardening implement. (Australian stores only)
Spillit: A set of 6 heavy, square shaped mugs with awkward handles
Klatta: A plastic bathroom cabinet, the door of which always slams shut
Manke: A colourful, stiff bristled brush for cleaning mould off tile grout
Stagga: A table in a huge flat-pack box, which is tricky to get to your car
Bord: A pre-framed picture you really liked when you bought it
Stonka: An enormous, heavy wardrobe
Two more products
Notinstok - Matching cupboard doors for Niklas shelving set
Ragg - Overall brand name for all Ikea fabrics
And more...
Wobl - a range of products, all of which are missing one nut
Darknuss - large candles which won't stay lit
Tortur - sofa beds with metal struts positioned at key spinal acupressure points"
