The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

[patgund]

(Thanks to jfoxdavis for providing this to me.)

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

To prepare for this ritual, clear a space for the circle in the center of the kitchen. Then don your ceremonial apron and hold your ceremonial spatula in your right hand. Stand in the center of the circle and face east. You are ready to begin:

With your spatula, draw a banishing pentagram to the East. Then, thrust your spatula through the pentagram and say,

"Microwave dinners, be gone!"

Move to the South. Again, draw a banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it.

"TV dinners, be gone!"

Move to the West. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it.

"Ramen instant noodles, be gone!"

Move to the north. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it,

"Mystery meat in a can, be gone!"

Move to the center of the circle and stand still. Chant the following:

Before me, Martha Stewart.
Behind me, Betty Crocker.
To my right side, Julia Child.
To my left side, Martha Stewart, AGAIN!
Visualize yourself standing in a giant casserole and proclaim,
"For about me bakes the casserole, and around me shines the 6-course meal."

Clap your hands three times and say, "It's a good thing." The rite is over.

If the ritual is not effective, please order take-out ASAP.

Comments

Nothing says loving...

[ghostlyviolet.livejournal.com]

Pretty good! Not quite as deliciously twisted as the Star Bullwinkle, but I like it. :-)

*h&k*
Vi

Re: Nothing says loving...

[patgund.livejournal.com]

Star Bullwinkle??? Dare I ask?? Or is this along the lines of the "Liber Call Me Al"??

From the Takeout Order of the Golden Baked Pawn

[ismarc.livejournal.com]

This is interesting but I feel it nessesary to pass on a caveat. This banishing is only effective for American cuisine. There is no known effective banishing for Oriental cuisine. It is suggested that one try an invocation of the spice. The kitgician should undertake extreme caution with interacting with delicacies of the east (near, far, middle, left, right, spin, strange, etc). Failure to observe the proper recipe can result in lingering malificances such as Gastitus the Abdominible or Constapatula the Retentulous. In such cases it may be nessesary to improvise substitutions to the working tools in order to more properly harmonize with the foreign paradigm. Some possible changes include employing the Rolaidian Pentacle or the Maloxian Chalice. In any event, none below the grade of Cheftus Minor should consider tarryance with these powers and even then the proper purifications of the corpus and of the condiments should be observed. While the validity of these claims is disputed amongst students of the art these warnings are quite clear in the Szechuanicon. It's validity is also questionable however, as the employment if the wok in Szechuanic Rite would place it at a date far more recent than that of the delicacies which which it purports to deal.