Three years ago......
Nov. 2nd, 2004 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundThree years ago, the most important person in my life came into this world.
I remember reaching into her incubator in the neo-natal ICU ward, touching very gently this very very tiny little girl, with all the wires and tubes connected to her, scared nearly witless - both because she was 6 weeks early and the delivery was very rough for her and her mum, and because I was terrified to become a father.
I touched her little hand, and it closed around my finger, holding it tightly.
I don't think she's ever let go since.
Oh, I could have walked away. Two of her mum's other s/o's offered to take responsibility if I felt I couldn't. But my sense of honour coudn't allow that. For better or worse, this was my responsibility to take. And, while it's been rough, I don't regret having done so. I discovered I like being a parent, which was rather startling for someone who had been giving serious consideration to getting snipped not a few months before she was born.
Now she's a busy, active, healthy, bright little girl. And I still melt everytime she says "daddy!" and runs to me. I'm weepy now remembering. Happy tears though.
Someday I'd like to have one or two more children to raise. Someday, if the fates smile on me.
But, tucked away close and warm in my heart, is the memory of November 2nd, 2001, when a little girl barely an hour old wrapped her hand around her da's finger and his heart, and never let go.
I remember reaching into her incubator in the neo-natal ICU ward, touching very gently this very very tiny little girl, with all the wires and tubes connected to her, scared nearly witless - both because she was 6 weeks early and the delivery was very rough for her and her mum, and because I was terrified to become a father.
I touched her little hand, and it closed around my finger, holding it tightly.
I don't think she's ever let go since.
Oh, I could have walked away. Two of her mum's other s/o's offered to take responsibility if I felt I couldn't. But my sense of honour coudn't allow that. For better or worse, this was my responsibility to take. And, while it's been rough, I don't regret having done so. I discovered I like being a parent, which was rather startling for someone who had been giving serious consideration to getting snipped not a few months before she was born.
Now she's a busy, active, healthy, bright little girl. And I still melt everytime she says "daddy!" and runs to me. I'm weepy now remembering. Happy tears though.
Someday I'd like to have one or two more children to raise. Someday, if the fates smile on me.
But, tucked away close and warm in my heart, is the memory of November 2nd, 2001, when a little girl barely an hour old wrapped her hand around her da's finger and his heart, and never let go.
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Date: 2004-11-02 10:52 am (UTC)Happy Birthday, Little Bit!
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Date: 2004-11-02 11:07 am (UTC)We want to come over and Birthday her sometime soon. Let us recover from the election. Gorshk, that's going to be an ongoing problem for her, on and off over the years, isn't it?
Hugs to all.
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Date: 2004-11-02 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 04:20 pm (UTC)*Hugs*
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Date: 2004-11-02 08:44 pm (UTC)And, in case I never said it before, I'm very glad that you're her Godmother dear. She couldn't have a better advocate than you.
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Date: 2004-11-02 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 08:42 pm (UTC)Glad it caused a meltycat though. :-)
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Date: 2004-11-03 08:20 am (UTC)