Okay, I'm doomed
Jul. 12th, 2005 08:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
patgundAmused by <b>< a
href="http://www.livejournal.com/community/metaquotes/3501735.html?#cutid1"
target="_new">this post</a></b> in <lj
user="metaquotes">, so I decided to try my own answers and see how
doomed I am.
Supposedly this is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week: I suspect urban legend, but needed to be snarky anyway.
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
1. Frequently wears black clothing.
Well, yeah.....
2. Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Does Jethro Tull count??
3. Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
Not in years
5. Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Umm, well, next......
6. Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Bach and other conposers were considered "anti-social" in their day. Can we be more specific??
7. Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Yeah, but I thought that had more to do with the fact a lot of my friends are in the SCA, Fandom, Gamers, Adria, etc....
8. Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Well, the first three have an interest because of my hobby of studying theology. I've never had much interest in sports
10. Takes drugs.
Ibuprofen??
11. Drinks alcohol.
Yeah, but if they're taking communion, so is everyone in St. Mary's
12. Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Not that one needs to be a goth for this
13. Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Funny, the DSM-IV(r) counts this as a mental disorder, not as a satanic ritual.
14. Complains of boredom.
Because only Goths get bored??
15. Sleeps too excessively or too little.
????
16. Is excessively awake during the night.
I guess people that work at 24 hour Denny's and the like are secretly satanic goths
17. Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
I don't have a dislike of the sun. I have a dislike for morning
18. Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
You know, the last person who accused me of having an "unusual amount of privacy was my ex, Jill. Who said this when I complained about her opening my mail and the like.
19. Spends large amounts of time alone.
And here I thought it was more due to my reading, exploring old highways, and the like
20. Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
?????
21. Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Oh horrors!
22. Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Depends on if they earned the respect
23. Misbehaves at school.
At the age of 39??
24. Misbehaves at home.
Not enough chances
25. Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
I guess the marshmallows are just chocolate-flavored damnation
26. Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
The author more than likely wrote this after his or her 5th Bloody Mary of the day
27. Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Oh gee, I guess Discovery Channel, History Channel, Cartoon Network, BBC America, and Sci-fi Channel are all verboten. Guess I should see if the cable company has that "Fox News"-only package.
28. Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
Does SimCity and The Sims count?
29. Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Yeah, I guess I'm doomed there
30. Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
I usually shake my head violently to music. If it's rap, and it's shaking my head no.
31. Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Sure.
32. Expresses an interest in sex.
Well, yeah.....
33. Masturbates.
Well, no, I'm not a self-starting model
35. Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Philosophy is a cult religion?? Imagine that. And even funnier, two of those listed are mainstream world religions.
36. Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth"
Nahhhhh
37. Claims to be a goth.
Not the last time I checked.
Supposedly this is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week: I suspect urban legend, but needed to be snarky anyway.
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
1. Frequently wears black clothing.
Well, yeah.....
2. Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Does Jethro Tull count??
3. Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
Not in years
5. Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Umm, well, next......
6. Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Bach and other conposers were considered "anti-social" in their day. Can we be more specific??
7. Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Yeah, but I thought that had more to do with the fact a lot of my friends are in the SCA, Fandom, Gamers, Adria, etc....
8. Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Well, the first three have an interest because of my hobby of studying theology. I've never had much interest in sports
10. Takes drugs.
Ibuprofen??
11. Drinks alcohol.
Yeah, but if they're taking communion, so is everyone in St. Mary's
12. Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Not that one needs to be a goth for this
13. Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
Funny, the DSM-IV(r) counts this as a mental disorder, not as a satanic ritual.
14. Complains of boredom.
Because only Goths get bored??
15. Sleeps too excessively or too little.
????
16. Is excessively awake during the night.
I guess people that work at 24 hour Denny's and the like are secretly satanic goths
17. Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
I don't have a dislike of the sun. I have a dislike for morning
18. Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
You know, the last person who accused me of having an "unusual amount of privacy was my ex, Jill. Who said this when I complained about her opening my mail and the like.
19. Spends large amounts of time alone.
And here I thought it was more due to my reading, exploring old highways, and the like
20. Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
?????
21. Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Oh horrors!
22. Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Depends on if they earned the respect
23. Misbehaves at school.
At the age of 39??
24. Misbehaves at home.
Not enough chances
25. Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
I guess the marshmallows are just chocolate-flavored damnation
26. Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
The author more than likely wrote this after his or her 5th Bloody Mary of the day
27. Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Oh gee, I guess Discovery Channel, History Channel, Cartoon Network, BBC America, and Sci-fi Channel are all verboten. Guess I should see if the cable company has that "Fox News"-only package.
28. Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
Does SimCity and The Sims count?
29. Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
Yeah, I guess I'm doomed there
30. Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
I usually shake my head violently to music. If it's rap, and it's shaking my head no.
31. Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Sure.
32. Expresses an interest in sex.
Well, yeah.....
33. Masturbates.
Well, no, I'm not a self-starting model
35. Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
Philosophy is a cult religion?? Imagine that. And even funnier, two of those listed are mainstream world religions.
36. Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth"
Nahhhhh
37. Claims to be a goth.
Not the last time I checked.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-12 05:23 pm (UTC)*laughs*
no subject
Date: 2005-07-13 05:53 am (UTC)TIll Anon,
Kuro
no subject
Date: 2005-07-13 07:27 am (UTC)I could find you the link I suppose, but it would take some digging. They do actually mean it though. Weirdos...
Jethro Tull? LOL. They RULE! Hence my playing flute.
6. Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Bach and other conposers were considered "anti-social" in their day. Can we be more specific??
yah this definition has problems. Mormons usually rule that anything over 100 years is probablyh ok. They haven't spent enough time at SCA bardics... :)
7. Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
Yeah, but I thought that had more to do with the fact a lot of my friends are in the SCA, Fandom, Gamers, Adria, etc....
My family by definition fits here. I can't ever escape. so might as well enjoy it:)
My family is almost completely free of non-eccentric people.
Loving your answers.... :)
14: bored now.
15: accused of this by my family. See "depressed". And "manic"
17. Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
Aha! Proof they're a bunch of death-obsessed people who are worshipping a solar god!
hmm. Guess I shouldn't call them a death cult anymore...
27. Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Oh gee, I guess Discovery Channel, History Channel, Cartoon Network, BBC America, and Sci-fi Channel are all verboten. Guess I should see if the cable company has that "Fox News"-only package.
Discovery - OK, History - mostly OK, Cartoon - mostly OK, BBC - mostly OK, Sci-Fi - needs review so frequently not ok. That's from some mormons too....
(Mormons however think Sci Fi is OK too. The evangelical types don't think so)
28. Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
Does SimCity and The Sims count?
NO. They don't. They're acceptable last I saw.
me- 35/36. I'm an AntiGoth. I dress in bright colours, act cheerful even when I'm not - and have an absolute blast at Goth events...